Today was the last day of my conference which was about marriage. The program was 4 days. I really enjoyed putting it together and watching it play out. Also, the cute couples that showed up made it all worth while. Especially the engaged ones! I don't really remember what the first 3 days were about because I was at the registration table and dealing with forms and guests. Although what I do know is that on the first day, the speaker was
Dr. Wajdi Ghnaim who spoke about marriage in a religious way? I guess. The second day was
Iman Khalaf whom spoke about how to organize your spending and salary, and
Dr. Mohammad Al-Kandary who spoke about something I don't get. Third day was
Dr. Moussa Al juwaiser who spoke about how married couples tend to think and how you can understand your spouse based on actions and expressions. There was also a Yoga setion!
The most important day of all was today, the 4th day. Our speaker was
Dr. Heba Qo6ub who spoke about the sexual relationship between couples. I of course made sure to attend and write notes so that I can help my fellow bloggers and spread awareness. :P
First of all, I'd rather this be written in Arabic because the lecture was in Arabic and so are some of my notes but I guess I'll just do the Arabic/English version because it takes me so long to type in Arabic. Sorry in advance.
Certain points she talked about:
-Men are selfish.
-Motherhood is an instinct while fatherhood comes with practice.
She also referred to the Quran, I will type that in Arabic then explain it the way she did.
نساؤكم حرث لكم فأتوا حرثكم أنى شئتم وقدموا لأنفسكم واتقوا الله واعلموا أنكم ملاقوه وبشر المؤمنينThe first part she talked about was the word {
nisa'ekum} and explained how this has to do with men being possessive and how it was meant to show them that it's talking about THEIR women. Then she says {
7arth lakum} tyee min an ya7ruth mithil il zira3a, and that they produce babies? Or something like that. {
Fa aatuu 7arthakum} is ina ya3ni bima anna the women are yours and intaw ta7rethonhum fa ya3ni ta3alaw ib hal 7arth or something very weird like that and it has to do with sex. {
aanna shi'tum} this part was elaborated very well or maybe I was just paying attention. She says that this has to do with the way sex is understood in Muslim communities. And that in order for you to have sex, you have to have three basics: 1) Al makan 2) Al zaman 3) Al kayfeya.
Al makan: she kept saying ina we should change rooms and have sex in the kitchen and the shower. This enhances the marriage. We should also have sex in hotels and public bathrooms. Lol okay I added the public bathrooms bas ya3ni I guess if you're gonna do it in the kitchen then you might as well!
Al zaman: she said that the reason people associate sex with 'night' is because of an old jewish understanding that men aren't supposed to touch women in daylight and that also they shouldn't touch them when they're naked but have them wear something that covers their entire body with a hole in it. li'ana basically you only have sex for babies. Wth lol? The point is you should have sex at all times and wear whatever you want or lack of it.
Al kayfeya: she referred to sex positions and LOL she kept referring to 'girl on top' as the cowgirl position and I couldn't help but laugh! 7asaitni 13 year old in Biology! =<
Also ti6areqat ila 7adeeth 3an ina rayal ra7 7ag il rasoul ooh gala ina ( bi hal mi3na) yigdar ina yidkhal ib murta min daberha, and then il rasoul –sallalahu3alaihiwasalam- gal ina idkhil 3alaiha min daberha fe qubulha? Or something similar to that. Which means ina the position would be min warah laken bil vagina and not anal. 3ala golat il lecturer 'doggystyle'. Inrid 7ag il aya. {
wa qademu li'anfusekum} itgool the reason it wasn't wa qademu li nisa'ekum or lil nisa' was because inrid wingool ina men are selfish and if that was how it was said then they wouldn't have done it. Bas by qademu it means foreplay and ina kither ma zad il foreplay kither ma zad min the pleasure of the woman ooh fee hal 7ala yizeed min the pleasure of the man himself fa that’s what qademu li'anfesekum means. {
wa itaqu allah wa3lamu anakum mulaquuh wa basher al mo'meneen} well its self explanatory bas ya3ni DO IT.
Other points:
-Women take longer to orgasm than men.
-Men need to be sweet-talked.
Now, The Q&A part of the lecture was by far the funniest and most interesting!
Q1: Hal al tafkeer bi imra'a ukhra athna' al mo3ashara 7aram? Ay al khiyana al jinsiya?
A: Radat 3alaiha ooh galat that that is called sexual fantasy and that it is 100% 7alal.It enhances the sex life. Also, that as long as it's a _FANTASTY_ there's no problem.She also mentioned that masochism and foot fetish (lol refer to one of my previous posts) are also 7alal and should be done if the husband miyoola chithe ba3ad shinsawi ya3ni! :P
Q2: How do we turn on a man? LOL
A: Likul rajul 6areeqa mo3ayana and that we should ask the guy we're with 'what turns you on babe' and then use it. Oh and we should talk during sex to understand what our spouse likes and to make him understand what WE like.
Q3: My husband likes to show public affection and likes to touch me in public and I always try to avoid it so will this affect our sex life?
A: Yes, and that we shouldn't avoid it we should EMBRACE it. Nirja3 win3eed ina i7na 7idoodna il 7aram and as long as we're both enjoying it and it's not 7aram, mako moshkila.
Q4: How many sex positions are there? And what are they? LOL
A: Jawabha was that there are sites that illustrate them and that they are too many to mention or count. They depend on physicial fitness, height and weight. Also, some of them may be 7aram so we should always make sure to check what goes where! Oh and for the first 6 months of marriage we shouldn’t experiment with sex positions (this was new and helpful information to me) because the vagina at the beginning isn’t flexible and it might get ruptured or something. It needs practice and we should stick to 'missionary' and 'cowgirl' (lol her words)
Q5: How do we know if our fiance is sexually challenged? <- poor thing. A: She said that it is impossible to know before marriage laken after marriage it's itha makan feeh iqbal 3al jins and if (well obviously) it's bad and you don't orgasm most of the time if not all of it. Also, reasons of failure 3ind men are: khalal watheefi, khalal 3ithwi, khalal nafsi.
Funny questions were:
1) How do we have sex in a swimming pool?
2) Are there certain sex positions that determine if our baby will be a boy or girl?
3) I once peed right after having sex in front of my husband. Will this affect our sex life?
There was actually an interesting answer to number three but I'm just too tired. In the end, I'd like to thank
Dr. Heba Qotub for this informative lecture and if she's ever in Kuwait again, I'll let everyone know.
I hope I haven't offended any readers, and I'm really glad that this lecture took place and that I helped make it happen because we really need sexual awareness in Kuwait. It's finally becoming a topic that can be discussed freely in conferences and lectures without the need for couples to feel ashamed or disgraced by it.
P.S. There was a story about a married man who went around having sex with the paid help (maids) and his wife was complaining. It was funny. There was also a story about a couple who didn't know that the woman was supposed to be pleasured or that there was such a thing as orgasm for her. That’s another post for another day!
